25 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Postpartum Self

If I could go back in time and meet myself as a new mother, I would give her the biggest hug and this is what I would want her to know:

1.    There is no right or wrong way to feel when you see your baby for the first time. You might not be awash with adoration and love. With each passing day, you will get to know one another.

2.    If this is your first time experiencing postpartum and having a newborn, you have nothing to compare it to. If you’re struggling, but think maybe it’s just supposed to be this hard, reach out to someone you trust and talk about it.

3.    There is no right or wrong way to feel about your birth experience. You never forget it and may review it through different lenses as time goes on.

4.    Celebrate the small wins. “I went to a parent and baby group for the first time!”, “I did a sitz bath”, “I set a boundary”, “I remembered to drink water”, “I texted my friends because I felt lonely”, “I asked for help”, “I managed my baby and the stroller on my own today”, “I asked another parent to go on a coffee-walk”,  “I changed my shirt and made toast”, “my baby pooped all over everything including me in a public washroom but we survived!”

5.    If you feel overwhelmed and like you can't keep up, you aren't failing at parenting. This is how we internalize living in a society where the majority of parents are under-supported and under-resourced, especially during our child-raising years.

6.    There is going to be a lot of well-intentioned, well-meaning advice. You can say thank you (or not) and then go about your merry way.

7.    Saying no and setting boundaries is a parenting rite of passage, though it may be difficult and uncomfortable.

8.    Don’t compare yourself to anyone on social media or in real life.

9.    If you have a partner, give extra grace and space to your relationship. Everyone’s tired, grumpy, and not at their best while navigating a steep learning curve. You’re going to snip and be irritated with each other. Celebrate the small wins together. Laugh at the ridiculousness. Find a show you can binge watch while passing your baby back and forth during the witching hours.

10. Asking for help is hard. Most of us aren’t good at it! But even saying “I’m feeling like I need help. I’m not sure how someone could help me, but I want to talk about the overwhelm I’m feeling” is a place to start.

11. You are equally as important as your baby and deserve of care, nurture and tending to.

12. Sometimes you’re just going to have to poop or pee with the baby carrier on.

13. It’s ok to put your baby down in a safe place (ie crib or bassinet) while you step away briefly and take 5 deep breaths to regulate yourself, even if your baby is crying.

14. Sometimes you can be doing all the things to soothe your baby and no matter what (even if there isn’t anything medically wrong) they are still going to cry. Your closeness and connection to your baby are helping to regulate them even if it doesn’t appear that way.

15. If you’re anxious about going to that new parent group, know that when you get there, you’re going to see that everyone else’s baby fusses and cries, and other parents are also in desperate need of adult conversation!

16. It’s ok if you want to stay home or run back to work when your parental leave is ending. Or if you find yourself re-evaluating how you feel about your job.

17. Pelvic floor physio? The answer is yes.

18. It’s ok if you deeply dislike certain aspects of your parenthood journey.

19. Sleep when the baby sleeps is not a thing.

20. Sometimes you do feel better after a nap. Or a cry in the shower.

21. It’s normal if it feels like a mess and you are muddling through. Life is messy. You’re not a bad parent, you are learning!

22. It’s ok if you have to let something go because it isn’t working for you, your mental/emotional/physical health, your baby or your family. You may be grieving this loss.

23. It’s ok if you miss your pre-baby self and your pre-baby life.

24. It’s normal if your newly post-birth body feels like an unfamiliar place, and there are parts you aren’t ready to explore.

25. I see you. You are a good parent. I see how hard you are trying and everything you are doing. Say this to yourself and other new parents!